Whisk Me Away
by The Combined Works Of R and Y
Summary: A Lighter, Vincent Valentine's Bathroom and an unexpected visit from the future. What will this story hold for a certain red-headed Turk and the Great Ninja Yuffie?  Rated T to be careful, mild coarse language  - First ever FanFic, be gentle -


*** Disclaimer: All characters included in this story are from the game Final Fantasy VII. We do not own them, (unfortunately, because if we did then.. well you get the picture..)**

Fluorescent red hair flowed majestically in the wind, flicking and curling in every direction. The owner of this hair, the last person you would ever call feminine, sat humming quietly, looking around himself with childish glee.

"Nice hair, Turky," said Yuffie

Reno smiled, but before long the smile drooped as his stomach tightened and a large quantity of what was once vodka (or any form of alcohol for that matter) projectile vomited from his mouth.

Yuffie stared in a blank manner at her spew-covered thighs, her face turning a light shade of green, "Eww," she said, just before she too blew chunks.

Though most of Yuffie's stomach contents ended up on his clothes and in his hair, it didn't seem to bother Reno very much. As late night descended into very early morning, both drunken idiots fell into an easy slumber; the sick drying on their skin and becoming encrusted on their clothes.

Yuffie woke up to the sound of what she thought was a fog-horn, the noise reverberated against her pulsating skull, increasing the pain of her already suicidal-levelled headache. The debate to open her eyes began now, solid arguments supporting each option. To keep her eyes closed would deprive her of figuring out why her eyelids were lit up (her room wasn't this light) and also what the annoying noise was, and opening her eyes would expose her throbbing brain to more images in need of processing, which just wouldn't be good. After a lot of internal squabbling, Yuffie's eyelids fluttered open, only to squeeze shut milliseconds later.

"Ahhh, fucking hell, the light, it burns!" she said, her throat protesting at the sudden use of her voice.

The fog-horn noise stopped and Reno sat bolt upright, "Whaaah?" he said, saliva gurgling in his throat and running down his chin.

The ninja let out a bloodcurdling scream, a sound she had never dreamt of making, and jumped into the air. "Arrg," she said, grabbing her head.

"Lighten up, Brat," said Reno, getting up and kicking away a few of the beer bottles that littered the rocky surface he had previously been sleeping on.

"What, Who, How.. ?", Yuffie said, stuttering and barely getting the words out, "Reno, what the hell?"

Reno laughed, obviously oblivious to his hangover, "Calm down, Princess," he said, placing his hand on her shoulder, which was immediately shrugged off.

"Where are we?" said the still-very-confused Wutian Princess.

"No fuckin' idea," said the red-head, picking up a half-empty beer bottle and draining its contents, "Shit, that was a bit too warm," he said, making a face and throwing away the bottle.

Frown lines appeared on Yuffie's smooth forehead, "Will you stop being so god damned calm, Turky? Where in the name of Teef's hooters are we?"

"I just told you I didn't know, keep up, babe," said Reno, tapping his temple in a childish way.

Yuffie scowled at him and sat down, crossing her arms, "Well if you don't know where we are, then do you at least know how we got here?"

Reno kicked yet another pile of beer bottles away as he walked over to her, "Yep,"

"Well that's just gre- Wait, what? You actually know how we got here?"

"Sure thing, legs,"

"How?" Yuffie said, putting emphasis on the single word she said.

He pulled out a silver Zippo Lighter and handed it to her, black text on the front of the lighter stating that its owner was a 'bad ass'. Yuffie snorted.

"Yeah, this totally makes sense, Christmas Head," she said, getting up just as the Turk sat down beside her.

"That's how we got here, wherever we are, and Christmas Head? Really?"

Yuffie looked pointedly at the lime green headband that held Reno's startling red hair in place, "Yes, Christmas Head," she said, poking out her tongue, "How did a Zippo get us here?"

Reno flicked the cap of the lighter and a beam of light shot out, consuming the two of them in its radiance. When the light died down, their surroundings had completely changed. Dark, tiled walls surrounded them; the only light source in the room was the chandelier that hung delicately from the deep grey ceiling. A marble sink stood beside a toilet, and a two in one bath/shower was placed against the wall, its insides curtained off.

"Is this... Vincent's _bathroom_?" said Yuffie

"What a guess," said Reno, "Almost seems like you've been here before," the Turk winked at her, stealing a glance at himself in the mirror above the sink.

Yuffie's cheeks flushed a deep shade of red.

"It's impolite to intrude on one's Sunday morning bath," said a deep voice from behind the black curtain.

"Vincent?" Reno and Yuffie said in unison

Vincent grunted mildly.

"Sorry Vinnie," said Yuffie, "It wasn't my fault, blame the blonde red-head,"

"I'm not as blonde as you, Princess,"

Yuffie pulled her shuriken out of nowhere, and held it against Reno's neck, "Watch it, 'bad ass',"

Reno rolled his mako eyes and pushed the ninja towards the door, "Lets leave Vincent to his nancy-boy-bath,"

The three barrelled gun, Cerberus, appeared from behind the curtain.

"Holy shit, you bathe with that thing?" said Reno

The finger around the triggered tightened.

"Okay okay," the Turk said, following Yuffie out the door and into the hallway beyond.

"And then, we were in Vinnie's bathroom, _while_ he was in the bath. Then Turky almost got shot, so we left and walked here and yeah, that was pretty much it," said Yuffie, watching Tifa's facial expression change from weirded-out to pretty-much-insanely-freaked, "Its true I swear!"

"Legs is telling the truth, Boobs," said Reno, who was devouring a piece of chocolate cake Tifa had set down on the bar.

"I told you not to call me that," said Tifa, her hand absently rising to cover her chest.

"But do you believe me, about the Zippo lighter? And Vinnie's bathroom?" Yuffie said, swinging around on the bar-stool, her hangover long gone since she chugged down some of Tifa's secret remedy.

Tifa sighed and looked at the childish ninja, "I guess," she said "Even though it does seem a little unbelievable,"

Yuffie grinned triumphantly.

"What the fuck?" said Reno as the floor of Seventh Heaven began to shake.

A flash of blue light filled the room. Reno and Yuffie's jaws dropped as they saw themselves standing on the other side of the room, the second-Reno holding a toilet plunger in his hand.

"See, wifey, I told you it worked," said second-Reno, lifting his left hand to rest it on second-Yuffie's shoulder, a gold ring glimmering in the dim light.

Yuffie fell off her chair, Reno choked on his cake and Tifa gaped at the ring. Rude smiled, Reeve snorted, Cid broke out into howling laughter and Vincent, who had been brooding in the corner, mourning the loss of his dignity, giggled like a twelve-year old girl on Christmas morning.

"Sucker," said Cloud


End file.
